Just Someone I Met…
He’s an intelligent young man. School has never bothered him in any way. He doesn’t show up for weeks on end but when those exams start taking place - he passes them. You’d think he was the only one reading. He doesn’t read very much. He doesn’t do very much of that at all. His real name is a mystery to a lot of people. But he’ll tell you that his name is “Luda”
That’s what they all call him. It suits him though. It really does.
He sells drugs to anyone who wants them. Every week he’s driving in a different car. He dresses in expensive shoes and his smell is a soft - comforting essence. He has a smile that will only melt you. Making you want to smile too. His laugh is big and beautiful and so are his jokes. Forever - he is smiling. But sometimes, there is sadness shimmering behind his big brown eyes. A sadness that I try so hard to understand. I try to talk to him but he chases that bottle of vodka like it’s water. He swallows a pill or two of whatever he has and then he pulls out some rolling paper and lights what he calls “Happiness”
He laughs the loudest and he will never let you in. I guess he must be scared. Scared to get hurt - scared of being that bleeding sheep he once was. He tells me that love is fucked. A waste of time.
"You’re either having sex or you’re in love - you can’t have it both, Joy"
He takes the girls by their hand and makes them feel like they are everything. Amongst the loud music and alcohol - he’ll be whispering sweet nothings into her ear. Next - he’ll be leaving half naked - walking off into the night. That’s what he does. That’s what he’s good at. I see the pain that he tries so well to hide. He wears his mask like it is all he has. No one is getting in - he makes sure of that. He takes me by the hand and tells me a story of how love was all he had and now love was something he forgot the feeling of. He looks of into the distance questioning everything he once felt. But - now he feels nothing. Heartbreak ruined the human and created the being he is now. The one that parties the hardest and devours the virginity of the young and vulnerable. The one who doesn’t care. The one that they all fall in love with - but he knows nothing of love anymore. I kiss him on his cheek as we begin to part ways. His battered soul is all I see - his emptiness and sorrow just reminds myself of me.
You & Me
We were seated underneath the stars. Lighting cigarettes and rolling blunts. Remember that night? Vodka slowly leaving our cups. Hitting our chests. Feelings were shared and promises were made. Your hand in mine as we took that long walk down the river. It sounds like something out of a movie. Something so unreal you could only read about it in those really big books. We threw our feet into the river and sat side by side. Remember how the water glistened beneath the moon. Illuminating the beauty of the night. Remember how we laughed until our throats were sore. Remember us falling asleep next to each other? You curled up next to me, your heartbeat next to mine. You whispered
“I love you”
And I remember that it brought a smile to my face and I fell asleep.
- Joy Johane
You should know that your memory still lingers in this mind of mine. I find myself thinking about you a lot. Should I say I do so every time?
I gaze at your pictures and ask myself the hardest question - why?
I long for your touch - your lips on mine - your eyes looking into mine. That feeling that will arise when we both gaze at one another and smile. That feeling that will dance in our bellies and give us that rosy red colour that will illuminate our smile. That feeling that will cause your skin to glow and my heart will beat so fast. Breathing will be hard but it will be all for you. You should know that I miss you. I miss you painfully. As I sit here and write to myself - I wonder if maybe, just maybe - you miss me too. It
’s absurd but I would like to know that you at least think of me. I would like to know that every now and again I become a thought that plays itself in your head. I would like to - believe you actually care about me. Sometimes, believing is all we have. And I suppose for me, this is one of those times.
- Joy Johane
When you miss that One
I fell asleep thinking of what it would be like - falling asleep with you. You told me how you were scared of love. You told me how I scared you because within me - you saw love. Your hands shook as you held me close to you. A tear danced within my eye. Then it fell - your heart; I could feel it racing. Your breathing was heavy and hard. And so I placed my hand onto your chest - “Please” I whispered.
Within your eyes I could see something - a beautiful, unreal depiction of affection. Slowly your head fell and your lips covered mine. You kissed me; slowly and passionately beneath the moonlight. Our hearts beating together - as one.
You then pulled away from me and smiled to yourself.
"Perfect" You said.
And indeed, it was all very perfect.
- Joy Johane
Your lips tasted like sadness, I had to stop myself and pull away. But you kept pulling me in and soon I realized just what that meant. I was meant to take the pain away. Stop the ache that kept repapering in your chest. I had to make you forget about her.
We are seated at a table. Wine glasses are being filled and plates are starting to become heavy with food. Laughter and smiles break out as stories are shared. It is a moment - where we all share as one. But you - you stand up from the table and take your wine glass with you. I think you said you would be right back. You say so - with your red lipstick shimmering beneath the chandler. The smallest of smiles form on your face and you slowly walk of to the bathroom. I guess it takes one to know one. I guess things aren’t always what they seem. I guess you’ve got it bad. I guess -
You come back and suggest a game of monopoly. Your wine glass - still full. Your red lipstick, still shimmering - even more now. Your eyes, painted black. Your hair covering your face. Your stomach - now empty - like your smile. And as we sit there while the night dances away. I can only wonder if anyone looks at me and see’s me. I only wonder……
- Joy Johane
Love in Life.
’s funny - you meet someone and they can open an entirely new book for you.
’ve been reading the same book the whole time - you just never got to grasp the points that they did. I don’t know how to word this. People just come - some leave - most leave. I want you to stay. I like you. I like the way you make me feel. You make me feel - like me. I don’t need to be anything other than myself. I am enough with you. I am enough.
- Joy Johane